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In 2017, the notion of asking for permission is still very much alive and is one of very few wedding traditions, alongside presenting an engagement ring and having a gathering afterwards to celebrate, that has been adapted and stood the test of time.
A piece in the Metro a couple of months ago, suggested that if your partner asks your Dad for ‘permission’ then you shouldn’t marry them.
In an attempt to settle the debate, future grooms and brides, as well as those already married, were asked their thoughts on whether they were for or against the tradition and why?!
THOMAS & STEPH STOCKS
‘It depends on the relationship between the father and daughter’
Thomas said: “I did ask her Dad’s permission – I was more nervous about this than I was about the actual proposal. I asked Steph’s brother how to go about it and he helped me with the right moment – if you can talk to their brother or sister before, or even best friend, I would do that. It really helped me.”
“There are a lot of traditions that end up going out of fashion but I still think asking for a blessing is relevant. I do think a lot of it depends on the relationship itself between father and daughter. I knew they were close so thought it would be respectful to ask.”
Would you be happy if your daughter’s boyfriend approached you for permission?
“I’d certainly like to be asked if I had a daughter for the same reasons I asked my wife’s father. It would only need to be a simple chat, nothing too extraordinary like taking me out for a meal – although some free food will never be turned down!”
HARALD & LORNA DAHLE, OXFORD
‘Some women consider it romantic but I think it is an outdated concept’
Harald said: “I don’t think it’s relevant or necessary but can be a nice thing to do as a social gesture.”
Would you be happy if your daughter’s boyfriend approached you for permission?
“I would hope I had got to know the person in a less formally-loaded situation and I’d prefer to learn of the engagement from my daughter (or both of them together) as their joint decision. If the boyfriend did ask me, I’d say it was my daughter’s business, not mine.”
Lorna said: “I think it is old fashioned and irrelevant and dates back to when women were merely possessions to be bartered for. Some women consider it romantic but I think it is an outdated concept that has no bearing on modern life (or at least shouldn’t!)
“My father was absent for most of my life so it was none of his business who I chose to marry. My husband and I have both been married before so we were fully aware of what we were getting into – it would be rather futile to have involved anyone else in our decision.”
Would you be happy if your daughter’s boyfriend approached you for permission?
“I would probably tell him not to be a spineless sap and would expect my daughter to be able to make her own decisions. I can only hope she meets someone who is a little more progressive in their thinking, who doesn’t mistake patriarchal throwbacks for romance.”
KEVIN & GIULIA HUGHES, MARKET DEEPING
‘I think asking permission is the honourable, respectful thing to do’
Kevin said: “My wife is Italian and her parents, while quite laid back in character have their traditions and expectations. I have a great relationship with my in-laws and didn’t think twice about it. I’d never criticise anyone for not asking permission.
“If you have a good relationship with the family, it’s not really a problem. Of course, if you don’t get on well with your potential new in-laws, then there are bigger issues to come. I think asking permission is the honourable, respectful thing to do – that’s my personal opinion.”
IAN & HAYLEIGH BRIDGES, PETERBOROUGH
‘I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore’
Ian said: I didn’t really consider asking her Mum or brother for permission. As we had been together so long, I didn’t think they would mind. I think it would be more relevant to ask permission if we hadn’t been together very long or if we had a traditional wedding. Ours was not traditional, we shared the day with our Mums at the registry office.
“If I was paying or helping to pay for my child’s wedding I would probably like to be asked.”
Hayleigh said: “I lost my Dad when I was very young, so for me that tradition was already out the window. By the time we decided to get married we’d been together seven years and were expecting our first child so I don’t think permission crossed either of our minds.
“Personally, I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore. The marriage, house, baby order rarely happens these days. I think more of a heads up rather than asking permission would do if the person asking felt it necessary.”
What do you think about the tradition? Let us know!
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