Thinking of writing your own wedding vows?
Maybe you’re the one in a million couple that breezes right through writing their own wedding vows. Likely you’re not—- maybe you’re stuck, or looking for tips to make writing your own vows less of a chore and more of a happy wedding memory!
Approaching this task with no pressure and plenty of time is the key! When one or the other of you applies stress, this becomes a chore when it should be a pleasure!
“Some souls just understand each other upon meeting.”
- Each person doesn’t have to have vows that are the same length. BUT, you should discuss with each other what your expectations are. Be gentle!
- Be YOURSELF when writing your vows. If you are not authentic, then your vows won’t sound like you at all.
- Think of your vows as having at minimum a beginning, a middle, and an end. (Example: I love you, remember when we went to Paris and knew we’d never be apart? I appreciate you and promise to be your partner in life always.) Expand that as you go along.
- You don’t need to share your vows with each other before the ceremony but it is often helpful to have someone take a look and offer their honest opinion.
- As you write your vows, don’t hesitate to read it out loud as you go along. Reading out loud will point out what needs to change, what needs to go, what needs to be expanded.
- It’s okay to be funny if you’re funny—– but try to hold your vows to a single punchline and don’t take that laugh at someone else’s expense.
- Use bits of poetry, songs, movie lines or anything that has special meaning to the two of you.
“My dearest friend, if you don’t mind, I’d like to join you by your side. Where we can gaze into the stars, and sit together, now and forever. For it is plain as anyone can see, we’re simply meant to be.” – Jack Skellington
- In a ‘traditional ceremony’ are a couple of elements that you shouldn’t leave out! Make sure you share your love and tell them that you’re committed to them through the good and the bad.
I love you because you challenge me and never give up on me. I promise to choose you every day for the rest of our lives.
- Don’t worry about being cheesy—– or if the words you say might make you cry. You’re being authentic, right?
We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us, and we shall share together whatever good and joyful things life may bring us. You are the one person I want to be with. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you are my favorite person to go on adventures with. I promise to never fight with you… ha– okay I promise to always work with you to learn how to love you better.
- It’s a great time to give a shout-out to people who made a difference along the way, to say thank you or express your gratitude.
- Start with a baseline to write your vows around. Do you want your vows to be long or short? To be spiritual or non? What are the top 3 things you feel you HAVE to say.
I promise to let you know when you are getting too bossy and to allow you to boss just enough for you to feel you have been heard and to hear you.
I promise to appreciate the small things and to make laughter an integral part of every day!
- Take breaks often. It’s like stepping back and looking at a painting from a distance. Don’t rush the process!
Don’t be afraid to show your feelings!
- Look at examples of wedding vows after you have a rough draft of your own. Sometimes reading the vows of others can make you unsure about your own approach, or what you should include.
- If either one of you gets stuck, have a designated ‘someone’ who is available to offer guidance. Sometimes your officiant is helpful as they’ve likely heard it all!
“Two are better than
because they have a
good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the
But pity anyone who
and has no one to
help them up.
Also, if two lie
down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep
Though one may be
two can defend
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
- When you feel like you’re done, read it out loud. Out. Loud. Take your time, pause where you feel something needs emphasis. Vary your tone and expressions by the words you’re saying.
- Remember that you can always add or subtract things as you sleep on it. (Which is why it’s essential not to rush the process or wait until the last minute!)
Enjoy the process of writing your own vows! You’ll remember what you said to each other long after the day is done. Perhaps you’ll choose to write your vows in a small book that you can carry (or have someone carry) to the spot where you’ll look at each other and say I do. That way, you can take the stress away that you’ll forget something, you can just relax and read the words you worked so hard on.
You’ve got this!